Thursday, August 28, 2008

Summer is gone....

And here comes a hectic fall schedule. I have so much going on with my life right now that is really scary. Sometimes I honestly don't know how I am going to be able to handle it all.

I just turned 26, but I'm still in college finishing up my degree because I didn't start school until I was 23. So I have a full semester ahead of me including 16 credits. My son, Matt is in 1st grade and is involved in Cubscouts and sports, so that is always a lot of work. And then I have my four-year-old step daughter Kali whom I teach violin to and we practice our violins together everyday, have tea-parties, and do hair, among other girly things that are fun but time-consuming.

THEN, I just bought a building for my gallery and home that I will be closing on in a couple weeks. I have inspections, and paperwork, and praying that the deal will go through. Then we will be packing an entire house and moving, getting settled in a new place, and try to completely renovate the storefront so that I can open my gallery by NEXT SUMMER. I don't know how the hell we are going to get it done in time, but that is the goal and we will try.

Other worries include a gruesome custody battle that is going on right now with my son's biological father, who is being a real jerk to me, (apparently I'm a horrible child-eating monster) even though he is the one who hasn't been active in his son's life EVER. I won't even get into it, it makes me so angry. All I have ever done is be the best mom possible, I do everything for our kids, and always put them first. He has done NOTHING and yet thinks he can drag me into court, wasting a ton of my money, for what? For him to flake out on Matt again? Lots of bad feelings there. This is the same guy that got me addicted to crack when I was 17, raped me, and kept me under his control (and the drug's control) for two years of my life, while we lived in trucks and cockroach motels. And he was 47 years old at the time!

What is so awful about the past, is that you can never escape it. I have another court date on September 16th, where I am going to have to DEFEND myself against this crazy man's accusations! That's what really gets to me. I've come so far in my life, especially within the past three or four years. I've completely evolved as a person and have grown up exponentially. I am now a creative, smart, responsible, loving, adult. But I'm still being punished for the mistakes I made when I was a teenager.

However, I can't bitch because all of my dreams are becoming true. I am about the become a gallery owner, something I have wanted to be since I was nine years old and ran the Mango Jam Art Shop out of a little room off my parent's dining room.

BUT, I LOVE fall, and I am even starting to love winter. So whenever I get stressed, I will go walk on the beach in my new home of Algoma, or take a walk through the woods of Door County, and remember how far I've come and how happy I am. Truly. You can't help where you've been, but at least you are in control of where you are going.

People can change. I did.

A Few Photos

This is what I usually ignore about Wisconsin. It is so beautiful here in many ways--the nature that always inspires me, the friendly people, even the snow (which surprisingly, I've been missing lately) But once in awhile I find something a bit interesting, or humorous, about the more mundane aspects of sights like store windows and such. My friend from Design for Mankind puts it well--it's all about the in betweens.