Thursday, January 15, 2009

why?

why does everything always go wrong, take longer than expected, cost more than estimated? why does the world fuck me over every time? maybe this is why everybody always told me it was a long shot, maybe i really do dream impossible dreams....

so i guess it will just take me longer than expected, so what--it's better than ending it i suppose.
even during the times where i'm at my darkest i know deep down i really don't want it to end. as comforting as that thought might be. i've already been through enough to know that it would be a waste.

i guess i've always set unreasonable goals. why i shouldn't be surprised that they don't always work out. i teeter totter between optimism and despair. it might be easier to quit, but i really can't do anything else.

i really can't do anything else. i can't work 9-5. i can't be in an office, doing the drudge work. the only think i know how to do is art-related. and that's all i want to do.

i guess i can't let a bit of money stand in my way, we'll find it somehow, someway. it will probably be easier than i think. it usually is when i feel like this. things always work out somehow.

why life has to be so confusing, i don't know